I, Princess McSunbeam, in order to do my solemn and sacred duty as the Deranged Domesticate must pass on to my dear readers a bit of domestic
wisdom I have gained this past week. The bit of wisdom I gained is simply this; oil and hot stovetops (especially the expensive glass
range-kind) don't mix very well.  If you take a skillet off the burner and leave behind burnt spots that are ominously smoking, you must come
to the realization that you've probably done a lot of expensive damage to your parents stove, and you should probably been banned from any
kitchen for life. Or at least this is what I came to realize. Not that I'm complaining about being banned from the kitchen, but who's going to
cook for me?  I refuse to live off of frozen dinners for the rest of my life. I guess its nothing but restaurant eatin' from here on in. Poop.
 I know this whole situation may surprise some of you. It surprises me too.  Well, not the burning the stove thing…that's to be expected when
you put me in a situation with appliances of almost any kind. I just thought since I'm supposed to be some sort of domestic goddess/guru that
maybe I should actually try and hone some domestic skills like cooking.  I turned to my mother for this help. She had always seemed to be fairly
domestic. The whole experience would probably have been okay, but the then trouble with the hot oil on the hot stovetop started. It actually
turned out okay…I didn't ruin the stove. I just scarred it a little, but there were two scary hours when my parent's looked like they might value
the stove's life over mine.  I hope my dear readers appreciate the sacrifices I make for this column…I was almost killed in the line of
duty.
    Moving on, I've decided that the hardest part of being the Deranged Domesticate (other than trying to actually BE domestic) is trying to
find anything interesting about domestic life to write about. So I've decided to be kind and generous and open myself up to suggestions and
questions. What do you think I should write about? What do you want to know? Do you have questions about what questions about what fabric
softener will make your partner's bunny suit the fluffiest? Or about How to get bloodstains out of black leather? Answers: Your partner wears a
bunny suit for you? Kinky. (Downy™ should make that bunny suit squeezably soft.) Why would you want to get bloodstains out of black
leather? Any good dominatrix knows that blood only adds to the effect. "Nothing makes 'em beg like making 'em bleed." That is a direct quote
from me, Princess McSunbeam, share it with friends.
    Well, that's about all the bitching and advice I have to share with you for the time being. Make sure you tune in next time for a very special
Deranged Domesticate with Princess McSunbeam. But then again aren't they all special. I used to think special was a good thing. Blessed Be my
little moppets.
 
             Love,
                    Princess McSunbeam